This post was written by Deb
Are You Abusing Your Online Friendships?
I’m all about the blogosphere and social networking. If there’s anything I can do for my online friends, I gladly do so. As someone who has been communicating with others online for almost ten years, I have an arsenal of friends who I would gladly give the shirt off my virtual back. Some of my newer friends are starting to wear out their welcome, however. Now, I realize you have to have a certain amount of friends online to succeed, but I guess that depends on your definition of friend. If online friend means the same thing as real world friend, we’re pretty much on the same page. If your definition of an online friend is someone to send a constant barrage of social media voting requests, and nothing else, you’re wearing out that welcome in a major way.
Friendship is more than Diggs and Stumbles
I recently wrote up a little rant about party plan parties. In it I said if I’m not on your Christmas card list or someone you communicate with more than once every few years, don’t invite me to your Tupperware party. I feel the same way about Diggs and Stumble requests. If you’re not going to respond to your email, if you’re not going to say hello on Twitter or Skype every now and then just to see how I’m doing (like I do with all my friends) don’t send me your Digg or Stumble request. Especially if I never saw your blog or website before in my life or if you’re in the habit of posting negative things about my blogs on yours.
In the past few months I cut out asking people to Digg or Stumble my work too for this same reason. I know there are people on my list who would gladly do for me as I would do for them. These are the people with whom I communicate daily or weekly - even monthly. Every now and then I’ll ask for a Stumble from them. I rarely if ever ask for favors from people outside this list of close friends because I don’t want to abuse favors from people I don’t even know.
How to be a good online friend
- You visit each other’s blogs and website and comment in a positive way.
- You link to other blogs and websites because you want to turn others on to something new.
- You email your friends once in a while - even when you don’t want something.
- You participate in different forums or social networking sites because you enjoy others’ company not because you want them to do something for you.
- You contact your online friends for reasons other than asking for Diggs or Stumbles.
- If you do ask for Diggs and Stumbles, you offer to do the same in return.
- You Digg and Stumble your friends stuff without even being asked.
How to abuse your online friendships
- You email only to ask others to link to your posts.
- Certain online friends only hear from you when you send a shout on Digg.
- You only Skype with certain friends to ask for a Stumble.
- Your only Tweet when you’re offering up a link to your blog posts.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask…
There’s nothing wrong with asking others for some social media loving now and then. Before you send out a shout, ask yourself if you communicate with these people for other reasons than to ask for votes or links to your work. If so, you’re in danger of abusing your friendships. If not, do ask but please return the favor even when others don’t make that request of you. Show your friends you appreciate their work by voting for them even when they don’t send a request. Treat your online friends the same way you’d treat your real world friends, unselfishly.
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8 Responses to “Are You Abusing Your Online Friendships?”
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This point said it all:
>> Treat your online friends the same way you’d treat your real world friends, unselfishly. <<
So true. Yet so often, people just neglect that. Sad.
Data points,
Barbara
Awesome post. I’ve seen a lot of whispering lately about online friendships, blog snobs, etc. Apparently there are a lot of people who are feeling hurt as the social networking gets more widespread and blogging gets more competitive.
If I only hear from someone when they want something like a digg, link or stumble, I delete and don’t give it another thought.
I at least try to take a day on the weekend to make a small round to different blogs to leave comments and just say hello. It’s not that difficult to nurture the friendships you have while developing online presence.
Great post Deb!
Deb, this is a great post, thank you!
You’re right, it all depends on our definition of friend. If we see friends as people we admire and respect and whose company we enjoy, rather than people who may be able to do something for us, then we build lasting, meaningful, balanced relationships … *real* friendships.
I love social media but it does encourage us to see people we barely know as ‘friends’ and I think this can cause problems sometimes, when people forget what friend really means!
I hope those who’ve been wearing out their welcome will read your post!
:o)
This is probably why I don’t have a lot of online friends–I can’t handle too many relationships at once. I’d say more than 80% of my online friends were face-to-face friends first. The rest of the online friends are just interesting people who I enjoy reading every now and again. I guess they’re more like acquaintances.
Deb,
This is a very helpful and insightful post. I was referred here by another online friend, and I am glad that I came to read your thoughts.
Your guidance as to who is or isn’t an online friend, and how to nurture that relationship, is spot on. Thanks for the post!
Barry Groh
Really timely. I just took myself off Digg contacts last month. I don’t even like Digg all that much, but I do once in a while post something at Digg, so I have an account. I was on the, “You can email Digg requests” and then I noticed that 95% of the time if I ask for a Digg nothing happens. Like 3% of the people I ask will Digg something, but I Digg whenever asked. It was stressing me out and making me way too mad, so I just quit. Took my name off contacts, told my real friends to email when they needed a Digg, and that’s that. Too many people abuse social networking.
Everyone else above said what I think as well. Excellent post.
[...] maybe. I actually do feel a little guilty when I delete emails. I tell myself, this is not about people I know, or friends I have already, this is about strangers emailing asking me really in-depth questions, [...]
[...] maybe. I actually do feel a little guilty when I delete emails. I tell myself, this is not about people I know, or friends I have already, this is about strangers emailing asking me really in-depth questions, [...]